Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to TWIT. Blimey, I love that acronym. This week’s instalment of everyone’s favourite movie trailer round-up segment covers the week of Monday, February 19th to Sunday, February 25th. This week’s trailers include Blockers, The Forgiven, On Chesil Beach, and Kings.
Howdy, TWITs. Movie trailers are a shameless slice of cynical marketing and they are rarely, if ever, indicative of the overall quality of the movie they advertise. But we’re going to look at some anyway because, frankly, what else would you be doing on a Sunday? This week we have John Cena protecting his daughter’s vagina in Blockers, Halle Berry trying to decide if she can act again in Kings, Saoirse Ronan discovering her sexual freedom in On Chesil Beach, and some business about Apartheid in The Forgiven.
On with it. By the way, we’re not shilling for Movieclips it’s just easier to get all the trailers from the same place. Although if they fancy it we’d definitely take a handout here and there. My daughter is starving.
Blockers (directed by Kay Cannon)
If you squint, you can just about see John Cena in Kay Cannon’s Blockers. This is a comedy about parents trying to prevent their kids from fucking on Prom night. Which seems like a bit of a worthless quest. Kid these days are definitely fucking before Prom night.
For what it’s worth, I got so drunk at my school Prom that I fell asleep during the first course of the meal, and our EIC Dan Hart drank mouthwash. Like, swallowed it and everything.
Anyway, Blockers opens on April 6, 2018.
The Forgiven (directed by Roland Joffé)
In The Forgiven, a nigh-unrecognisable Forrest Whittaker plays Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who, shortly after the end of Apartheid, meets with a brutal murderer seeking redemption.
The murderer? Played by Eric Bana, of all people. Remember him? Maybe focus on that pleasant surprise and not the shock of Tutu’s hilarious nose, which looks to be the funniest movie proboscis since Steve Carrell’s in Foxcatcher.
The Forgiven opens on March 9, 2018.
On Chesil Beach (directed by Dominic Cooke)
Based on the novel by Ian McEwan, On Chesil Beach is a love story set in 1960s England in which a man ejaculates on a woman’s stomach and she proper fucking hates it. That’s what happens in the book, anyway.
Of note in the cast is Saoirse Ronan, the woman of a thousand accents and a hundred thousand Google searches along the lines of, “S… a… o… Ah, that’s how you spell it.” You’ll recognise her from Lady Bird and she might have won an Oscar by the time this is out. (Although I don’t think she will.)
On Chesil Beach opens on June 15, 2018.
Kings, directed by Deniz Gamze Ergüven
Kings follows a foster family in South Central L.A. shortly before and during the madness that erupted after the verdict of the Rodney King trial. It stars Halle Berry, who you should remember as an Academy Award winner and definitely not as the star of Kidnap, and also Daniel Craig in another of his recent “just how far away from James Bond can I get?” roles.
Kings opens on April 27, 2018.