How ‘Captain Marvel’ Should Have Ended

March 9, 2019
Andy -Punter 0
Features, Film

It’s finally here. Captain Marvel is available to watch in cinemas across the globe. It’s another great entry into the Marvel catalog. Now we know how Carol Danvers becomes Captain Marvel we’re all set up and ready to go for Avengers: End Game. Despite the great ending to the movie, here at Ready Steady Cut, we’ve imagined an alternative to the one offered up by the good folks at Marvel Studios.

Also, the following contains spoilers so proceed with caution.

After rescuing the Skrulls from the tyrannical Kree, Carol Danvers stays on earth to live a simple life. Maybe buy a farm or meet a dude who knows his way around a bow and arrow, y’know, that sort of thing…

Despite trying to keep a low-profile, word of her heroism spreads and Carol is invited to the White House for a presidential reception to celebrate her achievements. After deftly deflecting the clumsy advances of the amorous President Clinton, Danvers finds herself in a highly charged (geddit?) conversation over cocktails and canapés with idealistic young Vice President, Al Gore.

In his familiar Southern drawl, Gore explains to Carol the very real threat of climate change and the need to find reliable alternative energy sources before it’s too late.

“You see Carol, if we don’t do something about this soon the world as we know it will change forever. Of course, big business doesn’t want to hear about it,” he says with an air of weary resignation.

“It sounds like you could say it’s an inconvenient truth…” shoots back Danvers with practiced nonchalance.

“You might be on to something there,” Gore responds thoughtfully.

“If only we could channel your powers in the right way, that could be our solution. All we need is a tech company with loads of cash to back us… come to think of it, I might know just the guy…”

As if on cue, a youthful Tony Stark enters the frame with a supermodel on each arm. He drains his champagne flute with a confident grace that only those born into money seem to possess.

“Tony, you are just in time” Gore proclaims.

“I was just explaining to Ms. Danvers here that we could use her powers to solve our clean energy problems. Now if we can just get you two in a room together I’m sure there will be Nobel prizes in it for all of us…”

I’m game if you are Tony,” says Danvers, baiting the cocky young Stark.

Suddenly serious, Stark fixes Danvers with a stare, a smirk slowly creeps across his face; clearly, he has something of import to say.

“I’m impressed. Captain, you sure are a Marvel…”

Credits roll – ideally to a Will Smith (because it’s the 90’s!!) penned rap that deliberately ties in with the movie. The rap should feature a series of ham-fisted attempts to rhyme with Marvel (‘Door Bell’, ‘Bad Guys Fell’ ‘See you in hell etc’)

Please note: this is intended to be an irreverent take on events in the MCU. If any of the above breaks the continuity of the wider story arcs involved, please assume the author is aware of it and does not need to have it pointed out.