Pandora Recap: The World Wide Web? Never Heard Of It Aliens!



“It Ain’t Me Babe” had the usual embarrassing romantic shenanigans, though thankfully it managed to put the show’s most annoying character in serious jeopardy.

This recap of Pandora Episode 9, “It Ain’t Me Babe”, contains spoilers. You can check out our thoughts on the previous episode by clicking these words.

Following on from the wacky events of the previous episode, “It Ain’t Me Babe” finds Jax (Priscilla Quintana), Xander (Oliver Dench) and Ralen (Ben Radcliffe) on the other side of a mysterious swirling portal, the skyline blotted by an eager Zatarian fleet. After a brief scrap, all three blunder back through the portal to another mystery location, this one boasting the technology of 21st-Century Earth, but also a territorial alien menace that Jax recognizes from the massacre at New Portland.

Meanwhile, Pilar (Banita Sandhu), Thomas (Martin Bobb-Semple), and Atria Nine (Raechelle Banno) become suspicious when Jax and company disappear from the data stream and take their concerns up the chain of command to Professor Osborn (Noah Huntley), who isn’t interested for now — probably because Tommy, his powers getting out of control, is whining so loudly and frequently that nobody can stand to be around them.

On the mystery planet, the gang stumbles on old video footage of international colonists who settled the planet but were demolished by the aliens, whose ship continues to hover inside the atmosphere like a challenge. Pandora Episode 9, “It Ain’t Me Babe”, reveals one of those colonists was left behind: Marcus (Marc Crumpton), who has survived over a century with his awful accent intact by using the local fauna as a source of perpetual youth.

In an alien attack, Ralen is badly injured; it’s also revealed that Marcus has a mannequin called Elliot whom he talks to — it’s helpful, I suppose, for him to have someone he can conceivably act against without embarrassment. The short-term goal for the gang is to fix the planet’s communication network, but they can only gather enough juice for one text message. Xander naturally wants to call Earth. Ralen wants to call Zatar, which is apparently closer, but the fact they’re assembling a fleet to potentially destroy the Earth makes that a tricky proposition. In the end, Jax prevents a difficult decision from having to be made by just contacting Pilar.

Ralen, believing himself to be on death’s door, confesses his romantic feelings for Jax in a way strongly reminiscent of Talon and Janzo in the CW’s The Outpost. It isn’t any better here than it was there, though it is marginally more tolerable than the breakdown of Thomas and Atria Nine’s relationship, which is brought up briefly again in “It Ain’t Me Babe”, which perhaps might have been better named, “No, It’s Him.”

After a hilariously fake-looking shootout and chase sequence, the gang is rescued by Professor Osborn, who, as we learn a short while later, knew about the portal but neglected to tell Xander because he knew he wouldn’t help out if he was potentially putting Jax in danger. In the final scene of “It Ain’t Me Babe”, we see Thomas alone in space, his oxygen levels rapidly depleting; hopefully, he’ll have suffocated by next week and we won’t have to listen to his whining.

Jonathon Wilson

Jonathon is the Co-Founder of Ready Steady Cut and has been Senior Editor and Chief Critic of the outlet since 2017.

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