M. N. Miller’s 2019 Year In Film

December 30, 2019
M.N. Miller 0
Features, Film

Part 2


M. N. Miller’s 2019 Year In Film: Part 2

199. A Madea Family Funeral

At 109 minutes, this is an unmerciful end for the final chapter, being tediously boring until its final moments. I was never a fan of the series, but I respect those who are, and I feel for them with this cut-rate way to end the franchise.

198. Falling Inn Love

Yes, another shot for the streaming giant to snuff out the last of network television’s purity of producing family-friendly or inoffensive date films. It’s harmless, tame, and that’s what offends me most of all.

197. Inside Man: Most Wanted

Here is a video-on-demand sequel that no one wanted, of a film that had a tepid critical and box office reaction, to begin with. I enjoyed Spike Lee’s Inside Man, and if anything, this shows how underappreciated that genre thriller really was.

196. Sextuplets

Listen, Wayan can be a good performer; see his work in Requiem for a Dream or The Heat.  While Sextuplets isn’t a career-low, it has its moments, but he requires career intervention. As his adolescent filmography suggests, it won’t let up anytime soon.

195. Playing with Fire

This was a page out of The Rock’s playbook when he did The Tooth Fairy, a so-called family-friendly comedy with a lazy script that rests on the charisma of its likable lead. Playing With Fire is relatively inoffensive, but this four-men-and-three-babies spin borders on tedious.

194. Fractured

This is exactly what you think it’s going to be, set to thriller autopilot, until it’s suddenly not. It’s a confounding experience since its 180-degree turn in its third act is a cheap attempt for a script that’s not nearly as smart as it thinks it is.

193. Hellboy

This needless reboot of Hellboy sheds light on a union between director Neil Marshall and Lionsgate that practically screamed a perfect match. Still, after looking at the result, they are in serious need of an annulment. It may be an act of desperation or seen as pathetic, but we need to get our ex back.

192. 47 Meters Down

Please forgive the shameless pun, but this toothless follow-up is purely a cheap piggyback money-grab off the somewhat mild 2017 hit. It’s fundamentally flawed, surprisingly mundane, over-acted, and under-written.

191. Gemini Man

Ang Lee’s new thriller is the equivalent of asking the prettiest girl in school to dance but realizing you’ve made a huge mistake on the insufferable car ride over. For all its CGI, Gemini Man has so many overused film cliches it’s an insult to the term trope.

190. The Kitchen

It’s almost shocking how lifeless, bland, and even pointless this comic book adaptation’s dialogue is; its lazy, anemic plot twist only matches that. The one silver lining here is Moss, whose performance is never allowed to set the film’s tone.

189. The Red Sea Diving Resort

I can’t think of a poorer follow-up for Evans’ Endgame than this dull spy film. The dialogue is lazy, the thrills are mundane, and I’m not even sure The Red Sea Diving Resort has its heart in the right place as it drowns in its own self-serving, white-savior mentality.

188. Rim of the World

When you have child actors playing the same cliched characters as adolescents, it doesn’t make them likable or less offensive. Watching McG force these kids to act out scenes in this flat can be considered a violation of child labor laws.

187. Little

Weird, gross, cynical, and uncomfortable.

186. Child’s Play

All franchises and remakes should have a mandatory 10-year hold before you utter the word reboot. The makers of the new Child’s Play did make an effort to shake up a tired franchise. However, maybe give it some time so we can miss the little b*****d first.

185. Serenity

You can admire the director of Locker for using awards bait players with a twisty script that targets Gen-Z/Millenials with a story on how to cope with the tragedy. The issue, though, is the script needed fleshing out, while most of the characters are retreads.

184. Poms

The baby boomers have created an influx of senior-themed films that studios cater to on discount day for the midday show crowd. Poms is nothing more than a harmless film you take your mom to on Mother’s Day.

183. Chopsticks

Netflix’s Chopsticks is an overly eccentric, almost cartoonish, not quite romantic comedy that somehow uses a light touch that feels ordinary.

182. The Dirt

Is it possible for a music biopic that’s cluttered yet key moments are portrayed as too immaculate for its own good? The Dirt has the look and vibe of a Lifetime Unauthorized Story television film that, by the end, goes for straight manipulation.

181. The Perfection

The latest Netflix stream dream earns its #WTF hashtags with its excessively nasty, revolting sequences, poorly developed characters, and witless dialogue. A massive disappointment from director Sheppard, whose The Matador is a hidden gem.

180. The Prodigy

A horror thriller with the usual poor character choices that cause your forehead to wrinkle and inaudible rumblings of disbelief that gets you several looks in the theater.

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