The 2020 Halfway Report Card: The Worst of the Year so Far

The 2020 Halfway Report Card: The Worst of the Year so Far
Please take a gander at my ultimate list of “Skip-It” films that I have gathered in my collection the first six months of the year of the pandemic that are incomprehensible and gross miscalculations of film infamy!

A Fall From Grace

It’s all in the title, is what I would tell people about the state of Tyler Perry’s film career. I’m sure he still swims in a vault full of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck, but A Fall From Grace is so bad, that Ready Steady Cut Co-Founder Jonathan Wilson said: “…that I can’t help but recommend it as a kind of anti-cinema thought exercise — the kind of film you watch to remind you how difficult basic competence can be to achieve, and how thankful we should sometimes be for it.”

All the Bright Places

Despite the tender, sensitive lead performances, All the Bright Places is a saccharine, hollow YA-adaptation that never met a musical montage it didn’t love and refuses to take anything other than a shallow, tepid look at mental health in the teenaged population.

Artemis Fowl

Per Ready Steady Cut film critic Cole Sansom, “…it feels like the product of excessive studio meddling; stripped down so as to appeal to everyone that it ends up offering little appeal to anyone.” I suspect Artemis Fowl was banished to Disney Plus to avoid a Tomorrowland like a disaster. The source material is dumbed down (I didn’t think that was possible), and the majority of the film is wasted on setting up the world for possible sequels. It’s just an oddly tedious experience in movie-going escapism.

Bad Therapy

Bad Therapy is a dark comedy that is the film equivalent of a soft dim light. It’s painfully bad. Yes, therapy is, but this film is just unnecessary even within its own setting. I started to think I had taken part in the Duncan Principle, and I managed to make it out on the other side. It really was one of the most painful moviegoing experiences of my life.

Coffee & Kareem

Coffee & Kareem has a setup that would have fallen over like a Jenga tower with one easy step — if the title characters just simply called the authorities, there would be no reason to go beyond the first 20 minutes of this comedy. That leaves us with the only reason the film was made, which can be summed up with a series of foul-mouthed attacks, jokes about pedophilia, and just a bad taste in the viewer’s mouth. This comedy is crass, cringe-worthy, and its laughs are MIA. I should demand hazard pay.

Downhill

Talk about am uphill climb. The team behind Downhill doesn’t seem to be burdened with the guiding principle to make things interesting or fresh. All you have is a set of endless scenes of surreal nonsense, pure jibber-jabber, and that’s like traveling on a gondola ride to nowhere.

Fantasy Island

The weak premise and malingering script come apart so quickly it wholly creates a new type of camp film that goes so far south of ostentatious it could be considered slack-ass. The performances are equally atrocious. It’s a mortal lock that Fantasy Island will end up as one of the worst films of 2020.

John Henry

I mean… Wow. If only Ludacris’s Thanos–like jaw was the most ludicrous (rim shot) part Will Forbes’s urban crime western. John Henry is a tactless, tasteless, head-scratchingly dumb, and boring action film that simply has no idea how to get out of its own way.

The Last Thing He Wanted

This is the last thing a cinephile wanted. How does a Rees film with an all-star cast become such a muddled mess? It’s The Last Thing He Wanted’s script that has such poor ambition and convoluted twists that are an uneven match for Hathaway’s paranoid, frenetic character portrayal.

The Rhythm Section

It’s hard to believe the stars of vapid spy thriller The Rhythm Section fell for a script that is so lazily strung together; it’s the cinematic equivalent of a couch potato. This movie is off-beat and just can’t dance.

Scoob!

The cardinal rule is that you can’t kill or harm a dog in movies. Sure, you can boil rabbits or fry a cat that chews on some Christmas lights, but the pooches are off-limits. SCOOB! is the exception that breaks the rule. The studios needed to put this film version to sleep.

Spenser Confidential

Spenser Confidential is an adaptation of Robert B. Parker’s characters that has been handed over so many times, I’m not sure which is the original anymore. So, Hollywood does what it does, relegating its script into a dull, humorless buddy-action comedy that’s all too familiar.

Survive

What basically amounts to a film chopped up in a couple of dozen parts, Survive’s theme of mental health within its action-adventure storyline lacks the deep complexities — which is putting it politely. It’s as small as the platform it streams on — which is putting it rudely.

Survive the Night

Survive the Night shouldn’t be graded on a curve since it’s not shooting for the moon but should be held to a higher standard because it’s attempting to sell a defective product to its audience. Its demeanor is unpleasant; its actions are unnecessary; the performances are uninspiring, and the overall story is uninteresting. It’s cinema that’s trash and keeps getting recycled.

The Wrong Missy

Besides the delightfully quirky Lapkus and veteran actor Pierson, the cast of this limp Netflix comedy is sleepwalking through their roles like it was an excuse to shoot in Hawaii. The Wrong Missy is an uneven film with mismatched leads, and jokes that miss their marks.

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