Tag Archives: Sequel

Review – Friday the 13th (2009)

This review is part of our 31 Days of Horror series. You can check out the other posts by clicking these words.

Today is Friday the 13th of October – I know this because when I was opening the kitchen blinds this morning, one of the fittings fell out of the wall, thus collapsing them onto my head along with a chunk of plaster roughly the size of a tennis ball. I don’t believe that this particular day of the calendar is cursed, obviously, as I’m a grown man, but I do believe in relentless, uncompromising bad luck, and if the Friday the 13th films have ever been about anything, they’ve been about that: Jason Voorhees, world’s unluckiest man.

Since the 1980 original, there have been another, what, ten of these things? And throughout them Jason has been drowned multiple times, sliced, clubbed, stabbed, cleaved, incinerated, struck by lightning (I think more than once), melted, shot, experimented on, cryogenically frozen, thawed, jettisoned into space and, as far as I can tell, has never gotten laid. There’s no wonder he’s irritated. Wouldn’t you be? The life of an outdoorsman is obviously fraught with peril.

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Review – Cult of Chucky

What, they’re still making these?

*Checks Wikipedia*

Oh, shit, this the seventh of these things – the latest instalment in the 29-year-old Child’s Play franchise, once again written and directed by Don Mancini, who by now has steered this bizarre string of films through so many genres and pop-culture trends that I honestly couldn’t say, before watching this one, what I was in for. Now, after having watched it, I still can’t say for certain exactly what it was. These films have been, at various points, generic slashers, satirical comedies, and psychological thrillers. Cult of Chucky is all of those things, and also some others. It’s a weird and violent little film which, depending on how it performs, is either going to be a swansong or a fresh start for horror’s most tenacious, indestructible franchise.

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Review – Amityville: The Awakening

I suppose there’s a fair amount of grim irony in a film about demonic happenings having spent so long in development hell, but the sad reality of Amityville: The Awakening’s nightmarish production – it was filmed in 2014 but is only just seeing a release after numerous delays – is that the thing’s such rubbish that nobody involved in its creation wanted people to see it. They will, of course – the film’s set to be released for free on Google Play on October 12, then to enjoy a limited U.S. theatrical release on October 28, and it might even have enough name value to do some decent business. Which is odd when you consider these things have never actually been any good; at this point, the only thing more haunted that the Amityville house is the Amityville brand.

Anyway, Amityville: The Awakening is a direct sequel to The Amityville Horror, from 1979, and smartly ignores all the other sequels in the hope that people will forget they ever happened – a mission that had already been accomplished, for me at least, about five seconds after watching them. Still, it’s an approach that recently worked out okay in Leatherface, so I can hardly fault writer-director Franck Khalfoun’s logic. Luckily, I can still fault his direction, his writing, his imagination, his tolerance for abysmal performances, his casting of Bella Thorne in any capacity, let alone as the lead, and his adherence to a genre template that is so tired and familiar that more than once I was quoting scenes word-for-word despite never having seen them before.

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Review – Flatliners (2017)

On Wikipedia, it declares that Flatliners (2017) is a sequel of the same name. It is a reboot. Throwing in Kiefer Sutherland as a cameo, presenting himself as an older doctor who lectures students, does not make this a sequel. He does nothing. It is obvious that Flatliners (2017) was a tired excuse to re-run the entire concept again.

On paper, it had all the bearings to actually be okay. Ellen Page, Diego Luna and Nina Dobrev are not exactly on the top list in Hollywood, but they can act. Also, a story involving medical students essentially killing themselves to become “Afterlife Specialists” sounds somewhat cool. I thought the 1990 version was okay. It did not light up my world but it is fine. Regrettably, it has to be said that the 2017 Flatliners drags the 1990 version from the grave, spits in its face, and makes the story feel woefully worthless.

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Opinion – Can Spoof Films Really Go Too Over The Top?

This week we’ve seen the release of Kingsman: The Golden Circle hit cinemas all over the place. It’s been a long time coming for a lot of people following the success of the first Kingsman film back in 2015. People loved the first film because of how wonderfully loud and fun it was. Everyone was a fan of the outrageous fight scenes that were littered throughout, and we were all looking forward to the return of such things in this sequel.

However, upon its arrival, some individuals proceeded to complain that they found the film to go a little too overboard for their liking. I have to say that I have found myself to be slightly dumbfounded by these claims. The whole idea behind the Kingsman stories is they rip the piss out of all those spy stories that have been guilty of taking themselves way too seriously over the years. It is a spoof spy franchise, for Christ’s sake. It is supposed to be stupidly over-the-top – if not, it is no longer a spoof film really, is it? At the end of the day, has anyone ever actually complained that some of the scenes in the James Bond films go unnecessarily overboard? Because you could if you’re one of those pedantic types, which some people clearly are. Just look at that scene in Skyfall where the tube train gets blown off the rails – I loved the film, but even I can admit that special effects only did so much for that sequence.

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Review – Annabelle: Creation

What’s this?

It’s the prequel to the spin-off of The Conjuring that nobody wanted or asked for. But, believe it or not, fate has once again conspired to ensure I’m utterly wrong in everything I say, because it turns out Annabelle: Creation is pretty good.

Wait… really?

I’m as surprised as you are. I don’t believe in ghosts or demons or any other such mumbo-jumbo, but it does seem that whatever I say on our monthly preview shows has the power to warp the fabric of reality such that I’m always wrong, regardless of how drastically the laws and logic of our known universe must contort themselves to make that possible. I haven’t quite established if this is a gift or a curse yet, but I guess I’ll know for sure when I take some time in the next episode to predict that I definitely won’t win the lottery.

In the meantime, yeah, Annabelle: Creation is alright.

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Completed #4 – Giana Sisters: Dream Runners

Ugh.

This isn’t very good. It isn’t a very good game, and it isn’t a very good experience for an achievement hunter, despite being quick and relatively easy, depending on how the game’s randomness is feeling at the time. It took me under an hour, which is the quickest I’ve ever done it, and it still frustrated me a great deal. These are the sacrifices I make so you don’t have to, I guess.

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