Summary
An unfunny and irritating remake that is just as exhausting as living with nine children probably is.
Disney continues their unending mission to remake its entire back catalog of films with this needless offering. Zach Braff stars as Paul Baker in 2022’s Cheaper by the Dozen, an all-day breakfast restaurateur and the father to a family of nine children. This hectic household juggles work at the family diner, and a busy school schedule, yet their dad has bigger dreams.
Right from the start, this comedy has all the clichéd trappings of countless other Disney family films. You have the poppy soundtrack, lazy voiceover, and sassy kids galore.
The opening credits introduce the Bakers via a family album slideshow, with Beyoncé playing in the background. Then Zach Braff talks us through the nine kids and their unique dreams. This categorization means the characters don’t need any further development or actual personality.
For example, you have a comic book nerd, a punk in a band, a basketball protégé, etc.
The lazy writing continues with the embarrassing humor or lack thereof. This comedy delivers an onslaught of jokes, with most barely raising the smallest twitch of a smile. The children are paraded around like comic geniuses, supplying quick-witted remarks at every turn as though they’re wise beyond their years. This shtick is really wearing thin and adds to the film’s dated quality. Every ‘bad’ joke should probably end with a comedic drum sting, or they might as well just go ahead and add a laugh track. Yes, it is that unfunny.
With the family behind on rent, Paul pitches his incredible new business idea to twin investors Melanie and Michele. The idea involves a sauce that can be hot, sweet, or savory, depending on the food it goes with. Lost, let’s just go with it, OK?
The presentation is a hit, and the family moves instantaneously into a new mansion and a snobbish school. A change of scenery allows for some fresh tension. Throw in a bullying subplot, dating woes, some other college clichés, and a troubled cousin, who comes to stay with the gang as well.
The film trundles on with its lackluster jokes and predictable plotting for nigh on two hours. It makes for a torturous watch. The movie is loud and obnoxious, with poor attempts at addressing racism and coming-of-age issues, which pales in comparison with the likes of Pixar’s Turning Red. In conclusion, this skippable remake does not warrant a second of your precious time.
Read More: Cheaper by the Dozen Ending Explained
