Summary
To say that this film is an awful piece Netflix should have never greenlit would be an understatement.
We review the Netflix film Christmas on Mistletoe Farm, which does not contain spoilers.
Christmas on Mistletoe Farm is a British film written and directed by the same filmmaker responsible for Nativity! (and all its terrible sequels), Debbie Isitt. This director loves making Christmas films, and this one is just the latest in a long line of cheesy and hard-to-watch flicks. This Lifetime meets the West Midlands feature stars Scott Garnham (whose previous on-screen credits include appearing as a real estate agent on an episode of Pompidou seven years ago), Kathryn Drysdale (from Bridgerton), Emmy-nominee Ashley Jensen and Scott Paige, West End musical theatre actor in his first ever on-screen role.
This Christmas flick’s main plot point has been done to death by the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime. Matt Cunningham (Garnham) is an overwhelmed single dad of five who one day learns he’s now the proud owner of middle-of-nowhere West Midlands village Mistletoe Farm. His wife had previously passed away and left the poor man forced to balance raising five small children while appeasing his ruthless cartoon villain of a boss, Miss Fletcher (Jensen) whose motto is “In business, children don’t count.”
As Matt needs to get a very important business pitch done by Christmas Eve, he reckons some fresh countryside air and being surrounded by the rolling hills is all he needs to get those creative juices going. Of course, all five children fall in love with the small village of Cobbleton after meeting farmhand Beano (Paige), who for some reason lives in the barn and the rest of the tight-knit annoying jolly community. Among the quirky villagers is veterinarian turned love interest, Miss Ashley (Drysdale), useless school teacher, Miss Nerris (Sydney Isitt-Ager), Barry the Baker (who moonlights as the plumber and is played by David O’Leary), and the Father Christmas look-a-like town crier (played by Steven Wickham). Some villagers don’t even have names and they’re simply referred to by Disney nicknames like Grumpy, Sneezy, and Happy, further hammering in how quirky this oasis of West Midlands happiness truly is.
To say that this film is an awful piece Netflix should have never greenlighted would be an understatement. Firstly, the cinematography makes it look like a failed project by a first-year Film student. I don’t know if the fragmented framing was intentional or not, but it looks amateurish. The hand-held shaky camera movements combined with the rapid cuts from frame to frame made me dizzy, turning this whole viewing experience from boring to physically uncomfortable.
Every character introduced plays out as a one-dimensional caricature. The acting is over-the-top and theatrical, which isn’t exactly a surprise as most cast members have a theater background, and for some of them, this was their on-screen debut. While the five children are cute, they play off as one single-minded character. It would have been nice if each of them had some measure of individuality, and no, one of the boys liking glitter doesn’t count. The whole plot would have probably stayed the same had they cast one child actor instead of five. However, the musical numbers were quite enjoyable and well-choreographed, but sadly we didn’t get enough of them.
Sadly, Christmas on Mistletoe Farm is an over-the-top theatrical and hard-to-watch mess. Redeeming factors like the musical numbers and Ashley Jensen’s performance are few and far between. The Hallmark-style quit-your-job and be-happy message feels beyond tone-deaf in 2022. And overall, this is the movie I’d force my husband to sit through if he ever forgot my birthday.
What did you think of the Netflix film Christmas on Mistletoe Farm? Comment below.
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