How to Date Billy Walsh isn’t the type of movie not to force a happy ending. Teenagers Archie and Millie have been best friends since birth (literally). Archie is hopelessly in love with Millie but chokes up every time he tries to tell her. When a new exchange student, the titular Billy Walsh, joins their school, Millie develops an instant crush on him.
Archie uses an A.I. avatar to impersonate a world-famous dating expert known only as the Love Doctor to stop his beloved from dating another boy. He gives Millie terrible dating advice in hopes it will keep her away from Billy, but his actions have the opposite effect.
In the end, Archie almost loses his best friend and any chance of a romantic relationship with her. Almost.
Millie Makes A Speech
Amelia follows Love Doctor’s “treat em’ mean, keep them keen” advice and completely ruins her date with Billy Walsh by insulting him, flirting with the server, and getting far too drunk. The following day, a remorseful Amelia takes over the academy’s PA system to publicly apologize and recount tales of embarrassing potties through the ages. Billy is unimpressed until she gets to the sob stories about her mother’s death followed by her dad’s romantic relationship with a mannequin.
Unsurprisingly, Millie’s little speech turns her into a viral sensation and attracts the entire school’s attention. It dawns on Archie that he may have taken things too far, so he scares off his classmates with the fire extinguisher and encourages Billy to stay and talk to Millie. However, the school’s headmaster shows up before Billy and Amelia can share their first kiss.
Billy Is A Mistake
As Amelia and Billy start dating, Archie takes a step back from the friendship. The more time Amelie spends with Billy, the more she realizes they don’t have that much in common. For example, he likes action movies, she’s into horror, and he isn’t a fan of popcorn, chocolate, or fart jokes.
As she’s getting ready for the ball, Amelia remembers her dying mother’s advice to follow her heart. As soon as Billy arrives to pick her up, Amelia runs out of the house, gets on the bike, and rides towards Archie’s house, ripping her nice dress in the process.
When Amelia arrives at his house and demands he gets ready for the ball, Archie is understandably confused and assumes she’s only there because of a fight with Billy. However, Amelia calls Billy a “mistake” and declares her ever-dying love for Archie.
The Love Doctor Is Revealed
While Archie is getting dressed in the other room, Amelia starts texting Love Doctor about the latest developments in her romantic life. Imagine her surprise when she notices her texts going straight to Archie’s spare phone. When Archie walks into the room to find Amelia holding his Love Doctor phone, she utters the same question I’ve been mumbling to myself every few minutes since hitting the play button, “What the f***?”
Archie starts talking at us again before stealing one of his parent’s many cars and driving it to the ball. Before he can enter the venue, a group of bullies stop him so they can half-shave his head, write rude things on his face, and tie him upside down on a pole. In their little one-dimensional bully heads, they were helping Billy by scaring off his competition.
At the ball, Millie approaches Billy to apologize for how she acted. She explains she will probably stay single for a while but doesn’t go into details about what happened at Archie’s house.
Archie and Amelia End Up Together
To Archie’s utter horror, his perceived rival Billy shows up to untie him. We’re now back at the opening scene where Archie is about to be hit in the face by a cake. But this time, instead of breaking the fourth wall, he struggles to find his words while his classmates are booing him.
Archie eventually gets the courage and gives a heartfelt speech about stars before apologizing to Millie for being a “coward.” The two finally kiss and it is such a romantic moment that even mean girl Amber smiles at the young lovers.
During the rest of the ball, Billy asks the school’s nerdy girl for a dance, Amber decides to remove the tissue paper from her bra, and the school’s headmaster locks himself in a toilet stall to call the Love Doctor. All in all, a very happy ending for everyone.
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