I don’t watch Love Island, and neither does anyone else here, but my long-time partner Olivia does, and so when she offered to write about the Love Island season 4 premiere I couldn’t say no. This is all her.
Editor’s note: I don’t watch Love Island because I’m a person who reads books. But my long-time partner Olivia watches Love Island, and because I believe that a happy wife makes for a slightly easier life, when she asked to write something about the Love Island season 4 premiere I couldn’t refuse. I’ve edited the following for clarity, but it’s entirely Olivia’s words. I should hope you’d be able to tell the difference.
I am a typical 25-year-old bird who is obsessed with reality TV. If my dad would pay for it, I would 100% be Kylie Jenner. I love knowing everything about these people’s lives because it gives me a tiny delusion that I know them and we can be friends. This includes Love Island.
Love Island season 1 and 2 took over my life, and I got so emotionally attached to these people that I cried when they broke up or recoupled or get dumped from the island. I mean, Omar! If you remember Omar and you didn’t cry, you are going to Hell.
Season 3 was alright. I still think Kem and Chris should have coupled up for the bromance and won the 50K, but never mind. I have been buzzing for the Love Island season 4 premiere, and so I sat down with my second portion of lasagne, my rosé spritzer, lit my Yankee candle to set the mood, and…
What the fuck do I see? Olivia Attwood, Kady McDermot, Kem (don’t know his last name), Hannah Elizabeth, Nathan Massey and the white Omar – this lot might not have a type, but the show’s producers and casting department clearly do.
Anyway, I thought I could look past this obvious coincidence and enjoy the baking sweaty silicone. HOWEVER, even for a die-hard advocate of Instagram careers and reality television, there’s a certain level of set-up and specific casting that even I can’t look past.
In the opening ten minutes of the Love Island season 4 premiere, every single girl had the same story. They all finished with their fellas of 4/5 years/months/weeks before going on the show. You have to apply for like a year before you get on, and so to me this is just too snakey. In seasons 1 and 2 the girls were at least believable in wanting to find love, and most of the couples from that season are getting married and having kids years on from it. Season 3 made it clear, other than Chris and Kem who found love with each other, that these people are here for what comes after – the endorsements and the paid nightclub appearances.
On a plus note, everyone is at least 11/10, and they have a wide variety of people in the villa this year. We have: a pan head (new Kady), a hippy (new Kem), Danny Dyer’s sprog, a doctor (white Omar), a chubster (new Nathan Massey), and a racist who openly said that the lad she coupled with isn’t her usual type because he’s black (new Olivia Attwood).
Currently I am Team Lad Power. That could change. I hope it does, because all men are dogs (obviously), but for now I live in hope of a better tomorrow. I will try my hardest to keep my faith and stick it out like a bad relationship and maybe, just maybe, things will get better.
But for now I’ll leave you with a spoiler: New Kem and New Hannah Elizabeth are going to win Love Island 2018. Take it to the bank.