Haunted saved the best (read: most ridiculous) for last in “Sins of My Father”, a fittingly bonkers end to the latest season.
This recap of Haunted season 3, episode 6, “Sins of My Father”, contains spoilers.
“The sins of the father are to be laid upon the children,” at least according to Billy Shakespeare, but I doubt the bard would have given much weight to Christian’s claims that his entire family has been cursed by evil. Christian had a close relationship with his busy, religious engineer father, who all of a sudden stopped going to church and became very negative about Catholicism. From there, he only got weirder, though it seems quite likely he had a breakdown or some such, so it’s not exactly ideal to make fun of. When he burns his crucifix, though, he feels the burning on his own body, and his screaming — not to mention his bulging stomach — made Christian think that they should “call the mental health police.” Is that a real branch of law enforcement?
Things were, predictably, only getting worse. Christian got angry at what he perceived to be abandonment. And still, it got worse. Dad starts cutting about with a straight razor and hovering over the kids with it, though both are asleep while this is going on, so I’m not sure how they knew what he was up to. He does, admittedly, knock the kids’ grandmother out and drag her into the bathroom to torture her “for a while”, so maybe that was the giveaway. Apparently, nobody woke up while all this was going on. Christian is weirdly concerned with the type of violence, bloodletting, and such, as though that’s the weird thing about torturing one’s mother. After torturing grandma, Dad runs off barefoot — another strange detail for Christian to note — until he’s picked up by the police next to a fire in the middle of the woods. Apparently, based on the stories of the police, he had supernatural strength and it took eight officers and several tasers to get him down.
Christian doubled down on his studies — dude mentions being smart and his academic accolades an awful lot — so that he could get into college. Off he goes to Yale. He gets A’s, which he didn’t need to mention but does anyway, and attended the Catholic church every morning, feeling good and connected to God. Gradually, though, he began feeling unlike himself, as though something was trying to take over him. Call me crazy, but perhaps mental instability runs in the family and that’s quite a likely reason for all this? Perhaps they should all get some kind of professional help and stand a much better chance of living happier, more fruitful lives and not torturing relatives? Seems likelier than demonic possession, no?
No! Christian takes to listening to classical music and staring at a razor, which is very demonic, so rationality is out of the window. Judging by how fast Christian sprints through the woods — with a stomach ache, no less — he probably could have gotten into Yale on an athletic scholarship. He runs to the church and exposes his bulging stomach, and then vomits up a CGI snake (we mercifully see less of it than the cat) that wraps around his neck chokes him. The priest douses it with holy water and it disappears. Later, it was explained to him that this was an antichrist spirit, but luckily he got baptized so it had to leave. The evil he and his dad experienced had to leave, so it’s over now. So too, thankfully, is Haunted season 3, episode 6, and this awful show.