Summary
Talamasca: The Secret Order abandons any pretence of seriousness in Episode 4, indulging instead in deeply silly but very enjoyable practical effects, gore, and overall nonsense.
What I liked about Talamasca: The Secret Order initially is that, despite being set in a world of vampires, witches, and other supernatural ephemera, it presented itself as a pretty straight-up espionage thriller. And that’s weird, since what I liked most about Episode 4, “Wet Work”, is that it abandons a lot of that to lean into much schlockier supernatural silliness. Both versions of the show are undoubtedly flawed, but they both kind of work on their own terms. The spy drama was compelling but undercut by the stupidity of its writing and protagonist; this messier version seems to have abandoned any pretence of pathos, but the sacrifice is that I’m not entirely sure how seriously we’re supposed to be taking it.
Sometimes this kind of ambiguity is deliberate, but in a show like this, which isn’t very well-written, it’s mostly just accidental confusion. For instance, I know that at the end of the previous episode, Guy tried to ingratiate himself with Jasper by pretending to desire the complete destruction of the Talamasca from within. What I’m unsure of now – like Jasper himself, as it happens – is whether or not he’s still playing double-agent or has been earnestly swayed to Jasper’s quasi-sympathetic cause. There’s no doubt that the Talamasca have been up to some deeply shady stuff over the years, but there’s also little doubt that Jasper is rather obviously a villain. Since Guy has thus far been presented as a giant idiot who doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing, it is kind of feasible that he’d have bought what Jasper’s selling.
What I’m also unsure about is what Jasper is selling. He provides an obligatory sympathetic backstory designed to characterise the Talamasca as a deeply evil organisation dedicated to breaking families apart – a theme we do see reflected elsewhere, to be frank – and then gives Guy an assignment. The idea is that he will covertly enter the Westcroft Hotel, a kind of stylish hangout for local bigwig vampires, which is where he suspects the 752 is currently being held. Once Guy has confirmed it’s there, Jasper will send in his pet super-vampire, Chester, to retrieve it, and then use the volume to somehow destabilise the Talamasca and create a vampire utopia, or something. The specific details of this plan are super unclear, but this is the gist.
Guy agrees to this because, I think, there’s no other way that he can free himself from Jasper’s clutches, and Jasper wants Guy specifically to do it since he can read minds, which allows him to lurk in the hotel bar and figure things out with his powers. But he can’t figure things out with his powers since he’s remarkably stupid, ignores all the very obvious warnings he’s given to leave the situation alone, and continuously marches headlong into trouble.
Talamasca: The Secret Order Episode 4 deploys another cameo in this stretch, albeit one less interesting than Daniel Malloy. Here it’s fellow Interview with the Vampire alum Raglan James, who immediately figures out that Guy is a Talamasca agent and speaks about it very loudly in company that would get Guy killed if it were overheard. Still, Guy tells him that his assignment involves getting in the middle of whatever Raglan is supposed to exchange with the main vampire in the hotel, so he insists on going with him to an upstairs suite where Raglan immediately sells him out. Guy buys himself some time by offering to pull a memory from the vampire’s mind as a kind of party trick, and while he’s keeping him distracted, Chester breaks into the suite via a window – summoned by a helpful note from Doris, also in the hotel, hinting that Guy is in danger – and butchers all the vampire goons.
This scene is all kinds of dumb, but it’s very fun in execution, and it marks the shift I was describing at the top from slow-burn spy drama full of inference and implication to gonzo B-tier nonsense full of fake blood and prosthetics. All of Chester’s rampage occurs off-screen, but “Wet Work” – ha, ha, ha – luxuriates in the aftermath, and it becomes immediately impossible to take any of the subsequent plot developments as seriously. There’s another subplot in this episode about Helen exploring her traumatic past and tracking down her telepathic sister, but how can it possibly compete with what Guy’s up to? There’s also a brief scene of the police finding the envelope that Soledad left behind, but again, what can the ordinary run-of-the-mill police possibly do to imperil a guy with a pet super-vampire, or even the mind-reading part-time spy currently in his employ?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad of this pivot, because the skulduggery was getting tedious. I do feel I understand what’s going on even less now, though. The deal Raglan was into pertains to a briefcase of ancient vampire blood being siphoned off from some rough-looking old dude in a room next door, and it’s basically impossible – at least for now – to piece together how this relates to Jasper’s plan for the 752 or what it means for the Talamasca beyond reiterating that they probably are evil after all. But what I do know is that Jasper strolls into the room and mercy-kills the 700-odd-year-old vampire by twisting his head clean off and plonking it on his chest. That’s way better than watching Guy slowly tail a suspect, so if nothing else, the show seems to be moving in the right direction.
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