Summary
Euphoria Season 3 continues to enthusiastically debase Sydney Sweeney in “This Little Piggy”, but there’s no real sense that there’s anything else under the show’s hood beyond a push for viral notoriety.
It probably says a lot about the state of contemporary society that two big shows on two major streaming platforms have delivered episodes in less than a week, each offering two different takes on the same scene. And that scene is a major character’s OnlyFans persona taking on outsized proportions and stomping Kaiju-style through a fake cityscape. If Margo’s Got Money Troubles gave us the tasteful, arty version of this idea, then Euphoria Season 3, Episode 5 delivers us the classic “Sydney Sweeney is on the payroll, so let’s make the most of it” version.
I have no idea why Sweeney would have agreed to half the stuff in “This Little Piggy”. Well, that’s not entirely true. Money will have factored in, and the idea of weaponised viral exposure can’t have been too far behind, since a cursory look at my social media this morning confirmed that the culture is awash with reactions to her sucking her own big toes and forcing her breasts through the windows of a fake skyscraper. But it’s such an obvious and debasing take on an idea that was done so well so recently that you can’t help but feel slightly icky about it. I can’t, anyway.
Gone to Market
We might as well start with Cassie, since the episode’s very dominated by her rapid conquering of L.A. and indeed the world, which is depicted in that ludicrous opening scene and explained by Rue’s narration to be Cassie’s “destiny”. Yeah, if you like.
Cassie’s destiny includes ASMR, feet, dressing up, toys of increasingly untenable size, farts in jars, and MRA talking points on podcast tours. It’s basically the starter pack for OnlyFans stardom, and she’s being coached by Maddy after they formed a mutually exploitative partnership in the previous episode. She is also sending a cut of her proceeds back to Nate, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear, and he’s trying to steer her into lucrative career opportunities – away from Maddy, who wants to cut him out – to keep the money rolling in.
Cassie has no idea what she’s doing. She’s tempted by every offer that comes her way, and is sure each is the right one, even if it means trampling on the people who just elevated her to grasp the next rung. One of the first things she does is try to cut off Maddy as her representative to get into bed – literally and financially – with Brandon. But Maddy is smarter than that. After all, she knows Cassie pretty well.
Maddy’s Got Game
“This Little Piggy” marks Maddy’s transition from thankless executive assistant to something else, something a bit more ruthless, which starts with Cassie and then evolves into what looks like a fledgling partnership with Alamo.
Cassie is easy enough to deal with. All it takes is a mention of an audition for LA Nights to get her back onside, and even though Maddy hasn’t yet secured that audition, Cassie falls for the old fake phone call gimmick and signs a contract without even reading it. Maddy leans on Lexi to make the audition happen, and Cassie, performing a monologue from Antony and Cleopatra, surprisingly nails it. She gets the part much to the chagrin of Lexi, who can’t stand how hard she has worked for such comparatively small reward when all it takes for Cassie is throwing her sister’s name around and wearing a low-cut top.
With that business coup handled, Maddy meets Rue in the usual diner. While Rue is taken away by Bishop – more on this in a minute – Maddy gets talking to Alamo, and both of them end the conversation with dollar signs flickering in their eyes. Alamo has a bunch of girls who look just like Cassie (imagine how she’d feel to hear that). Maddy has all the nous and connections to turn those girls into conveyor belts of cash. She goes with Alamo to the Silver Slipper and picks two of his finest, Kitty and Magick.
Hunter Schafer in Euphoria Season 3 | Image via WarnerMedia
Rue the Day
All of the tension around Rue in Euphoria Season 3, Episode 5 comes from the fact that she’s now two-timing Alamo with the DEA. Bishop even points out, in full safety gear before slicing up Big Eddy, who betrayed Alamo during the safe robbery, that bad things have happened with much more alarming frequency ever since she turned up. It’s obvious that the net is closing around Rue at a pretty alarming rate.
The DEA isn’t helping, obviously. When Rue informs them that Alamo has spoken to Laurie and is planning on retrieving something of value from her property, which he wants Rue to draw him a map of, the feds want her to confirm the deal by calling Faye and getting Wayne to dopily incriminate himself. That’s easy enough, obviously, but Rue is still flying very close to the sun, and it’s only a matter of time before her wings catch fire.
When Magick discovers the drugs Rue planted in her locker to frame her (and then forgot about, as per her own narration), she goes straight to Alamo, who is similarly suspicious that Rue didn’t recognise the voices of the robbers who opened his safe, despite having previously lived with them. When Bishop and G take Rue away from the diner while Alamo and Maddy handle their new business arrangement, it’s obvious that something is afoot. She’s told to dig a hole to the depth of her own neck, and then Bishop buries her alive. The episode ends with Alamo on horseback, charging towards Rue with a polo mallet, presumably planning to use her head as the ball.
Is Rue done for? I highly doubt it, but I didn’t expect Sydney Sweeney’s breasts to collapse a skyscraper either, so I suppose you never can tell.
And Another Thing…
Some additional notes and observations from Euphoria Season 3, Episode 5 that didn’t quite fit into the recap proper:
- Rue is still carrying on something resembling a relationship with Jules, but this is becoming risky thanks to the paranoia of Jules’s boyfriend, Ellis, who later finds Rue’s shorts on the floor and assumes Jules is bringing men home. He’s worried about taking an STD home to his wife, and it’s very clear where Jules stands if it comes to choosing between the two. And no Ellis means no swanky penthouse suite. However, based on Jules’s tearful reaction, she knows she’s selling her soul to keep it.
- Nate has been using Cassie’s $30K checks to pay off Naz, but he’s still behind on the payments, possibly because he’s spending all the cash on takeout and booze. While he’s dancing around celebrating his latest haul, one of Naz’s enforcers smashes his way inside, removes Nate’s still-healing pinky toe, and also removes his ring finger for good measure.
