“Tucker Carlson is a Huge D**k” takes a savage aim at Tucker Carlson, masculinity, and equal pay.
This recap of Paradise PD Season 2, Episode 3, “Tucker Carlson is a Huge D**k”, contains spoilers. You can check out our thoughts on the previous episode by clicking these words.
Paradise PD begins to really test the boundaries of acceptability in “Tucker Carlson is a Huge D**k”, which begins with the least surprising thing in Paradise PD Season 2, Episode 3 — Tucker Carlson on TV, complaining about women. What he’s especially concerned about are a group of militant feminists calling themselves Gal-Qaeda, though naturally, since it’s Carlson reporting, nobody believes that’s a real thing. Randall, perhaps unsurprisingly, believes equality is dangerous, which is why Gina gets paid less than everyone else. This prompts Karen to establish an all-women police force, leaving the men to form their own unit while Fitz takes the day off for “Martin Lawrence King” day, which nobody calls him out on since it’s another “black holiday” and you’re better off not asking questions. (Paradise PD Season 2 has a lot of fun with Fitz bein caught in flagrantly compromising positions and nobody quite figuring out what he’s up to.)
The men in the Paradise PD relocate to a homeless camp with a homeless cop, while the Legion of Dooooom discusses Operation DD, a season-long scheme which will become more and more clear as we go.
For now, though, Fitz and Thester are chased and subsequently kidnapped by Gal-Qaeda; both police teams respond to Robby and Delbert robbing a store, resulting in brutality which ends up all over the papers. Karen decides Gina needs to be more ladylike — an effeminate man apparently being the best person to teach her, despite costing 22% more than a female equivalent — so that she can get some good press. When Gina later attempts to catch a criminal in a very ladylike manner, she’s shot.
But that’s nothing compared to what Kevin endures during Randall’s man’s-man tutelage, which involves getting headbutted by a ram so hard that his brain plops out. Randall is able to fit it back inside Kevin’s head, but he covers up a bleed with one of his testosterone patches, which turns Kevin into the uber-macho Kev Man, who rides two motorcycles at once, impregnates women at a glance and punches a jaywalker with an extra fist that comes out of his leg.
The “big twist” of Paradise PD Season 2, Episode 3 is that… well, Tucker Carlson is a huge d**k. Literally. Before we get there, Fitz and Thester escape and discover Gal-Qaeda’s meth lab, which they’re using to create a chemical they can hide in wing sauce which dissolves penises. (Upon discovering the meth lab: “Women do like to cook!”). The operation is called Operation DD for obvious reasons, which you’ll notice conflicts with Fitz and the Legion of Dooooom’s plan title — can’t be having that.
Of course, Tucker Carlson is behind Gal-Qaeda. By saying it existed he knew nobody would believe it, allowing the operation to proceed in relative secrecy. The women aren’t really feminists, but Fox News employees. Once all the penises in the world are dissolved, Tucker’s will be the biggest. He’s sick of being tormented about his various ailments, which include a misshapen head and big, hairy feet which, without his suit, give him the appearance of a literal giant p***s.
Meanwhile in Paradise PD Season 2, Episode 3, Kevin has made the front page as Kev Man, so the all-male police force expends all their resources on training him — he uses Dusty as a heavy bag and skips over Hopson’s distended balls. With the focus on Kevin, Hopson and Bullet quit to form their own all-old and all-dog departments, all of whom have to respond to deal with Kevin once Randall replaces his testosterone patch with a fresh one and he becomes too much man — a manster.
Naturally, the manster rampages to Hooters in search of wings and boobs, where Gina is working after her pay dispute. She ends up fighting Kevin and punching him with her boobs — Fitz briefly interrupts the fight during his own scuffle with Tucker Carlson, which he simply justifies as part of his day off. Gina is eventually able to remove the patch from Kevin’s brain, and Fitz throws Tucker in the wing sauce, which I’d say is probably the best place for him.
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