Summary
Slow Horses Season 5 reaches a real hinge point in “Missiles”, with the general ineptitude of Slough House’s staff causing a pretty big issue.
Slow Horses is a very smart show about people who’re indescribably stupid or much cleverer than they look. There’s really no in-between, and nowhere is that more evident than in Episode 4 of Season 5, “Missiles”, 40 minutes of near-slapstick comic mishaps that eventually result in the death of a populist leader — just as JK Coe predicted, albeit not quite in the manner he probably expected.
Having read London Rules, the novel this season is based on, I wondered how the moment that caps off this episode — JK Coe accidentally assassinating Dennis Gimball by dropping a tin of paint on his head — would play out on TV. It’s somehow even more ridiculous than it is in print, a Final Destination-style Rube Goldberg scenario that is a funny comedic beat until you realise how serious its implications might be. Two members of the British Security Service have been complicit in the death, accidental or otherwise, of a politician. And they were only trying to help.
But recall what I said at the top. The agents of Slough House are generally filed away in that musty cabinet because they’re not fit for purpose. Jackson Lamb says it himself at one point — at least his lot f*ck up on an epic scale. Well, there’s no doubt about that. But Lamb’s the only slow horse whose slovenly exterior seems to hide a genuine degree of capability and intellect. Everyone else looks more put-together but could scarcely be trusted to open a tin of beans, let alone thwart an assassination.
Take Roddy Ho, for instance. Still a guest of the Park, his new interrogator is now none other than Emma Flyte, who decides to indulge his wacky theory that his girlfriend, Tara, was coerced into betraying him and failed to do the job properly because she was earnestly in love. Flyte lets him believe it for long enough to make a phone call to Tara that can be traced back to her location. Roddy tries to heroically tip her off and kill the call before the trace can complete, but things have changed in his absence, and now it takes half the time. What an idiot.
When Flyte arrives at the address, though, she finds Jackson Lamb, who had already figured the location out through more old-school means. Tara isn’t a professional, after all. So, before she made her escape to Roddy’s apartment, figuring it’d be the last place people would look for her, she booked a taxi. All Lamb had to do was call up and see where it went. He charitably provides this information to Flyte, who reluctantly allows him to follow along. It’s easier than reporting to Lady Di that Devon Welles is currently trapped in Slough House with none of the slow horses, all of whom are supposed to be in lockdown. Lamb proves his value by capturing Tara after Flyte flushes her out, just as he expected.
Elsewhere in Slow Horses Season 5, Episode 4, Claude Whelan, another candidate in the long list of people who seem too stupid to have ever reached the position they find themselves in, is on the back foot. Dodie Gimball is planning to release a salacious tell-all column exposing his affair with an escort. To protect himself, he decides to visit the Gimballs in person; they assume for a grovelling apology. But not quite. Whelan is, after all, the First Desk of MI5. He knows things, such as the fact that right-wing bear-baiter Dennis Gimball is the son of an illegal immigrant, and Dodie once got her Marxist boyfriend kicked out of university by planting cocaine on him. They don’t have the upper hand after all. And Whelan isn’t as daft as he seems.
Side note: In the book, Gimball’s “dark secret” is that he dresses up in women’s clothes. I think this probably works better.
Gimball isn’t the only pop politician with skeletons in his closet, though. Zafar Jaffrey’s son, Irfan, is an eco-warrior who now technically qualifies as a domestic terrorist, especially since a kindly-looking old lady died as a result of his latest stunt. Gimball is doubtlessly going to bring this up publicly, so Jaffrey needs to get ahead of it. For that, he sends his right-hand man, Tyson, to have a word. And thus the stage is set for the big finale.
JK Coe and River have been tasked with preventing the assassination of Gimball, while Standish and Shirley keep Jaffrey safe. It’s the latter who’s the target. Shirley’s eagle eye for combat boots allows her to identify a would-be assassin posing as a maintenance man, and she pursues him to a vantage point from which he plans to shoot Jaffrey with a rifle disguised as a sealant applicator. The attempt is foiled, albeit clumsily, but a politician still ends up dead despite their efforts. You can thank JK Coe for that.
Coe has a nice vantage point on Gimball, who’s rehearsing his debate topics and fretting about Whelan’s leverage when he’s confronted by Tyson. Their argument turns physical, and River intervenes. When he pulls a gun, Tyson flees, and Gimball reckons he’s saved. But while Coe is clambering down the scaffolding to get to ground level, he inadvertently sets off a chain reaction that sends a tin of paint tumbling down onto Gimball’s head. He’s killed instantly, and River is covered in pink gloss. It’s hardly a productive day at work.
Pretty funny, though.
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