‘House of the Dragon’ Season 3, Episode 5 Recap – The Mid-Season Slump Is Here

House of the Dragon Season 3 has reached its obligatory mid-season slump. We could already tell it was heading that way, and Episode 5 embraces the responsibility of setting up future payoffs by flitting around all over the Seven Kingdoms to nudge various subplots a few inches forward. There are things to enjoy, of course, including snatches of great writing and a couple of lovely, understated performances, notably from Fabien Frankel, of all people, but I watched it feeling a bit like Donkey from Shrek, constantly wondering if we were there yet.

We’re not, of course, but we’re definitely approaching a ruckus. I still like this season a great deal, and it’s developing so many interesting storylines across so many fronts that I can’t help but be excited rather than worried. But I also have to call it as I see it, and what I mostly saw this week was a lot of well-acted teasing. And I’m not the delayed gratification type.

Ser Criston Cole Is Determined to Die

After not having a great deal to do for most of this season, Criston Cole makes good on his promise to harry the rivermen by doing precisely that. However, it backfires pretty much immediately. He and his men are successful in a few skirmishes, but they have to march miles between them, walking into traps that maim their horses. Soon, the conditions and various hazards have killed a good number of his men, and yet still he’s adamant about keeping going.

Interesting, Criston gets one of the best-written scenes of the episode when Ser Gwayne tries to convince him to give up the mission after encountering a bridge that the rivermen burned behind them to prevent a pursuit. Criston has already resigned himself to the idea of his impending demise, but he’s determined to go out on his own terms, not in service of anyone but himself. He’s the best warrior in the realm, or so he believes, and that’s what he wants songs to sing about when he’s gone.

Call me crazy, but I highly doubt he’s going to see out the season.

Who the F*ck Is Alys?

We hadn’t had confirmation that Aemond survived his assault on Harrenhal, so it’s kind of nice to see him here, even though we strongly suspected it was coming. Alys Rivers has been keeping him alive while also building his dependency on her by positioning herself as a sort of mother figure. And he has bought it hook, line, and sinker.

Harrenhal has been offered up as a nice reward for anyone who can deal with Aemond, so people keep turning up all throughout the episode hoping to cash in. The first time or two, Alys sees them off with some classic witchy business, but on the final occasion, just as she seems to be overwhelmed, Aemond bursts out with his sword and lays them all to waste on her behalf.

A formidable partnership already. I’m sure it’ll all end really well.

The Great Escape

Things are not going well for Alicent in House of the Dragon Season 3, Episode 5. As it turns out, Helaena is indeed pregnant, and what’s more is that she doesn’t want to drink the “remedy” that Orwyle sneakily provides to put that matter to bed. Alicent rather wisely notes that having a child, least of all a son, in this political climate is basically a death sentence, certainly for the child, but Helaena isn’t having it.

To make matters worse, Mysaria knows something is amiss and won’t leave Alicent alone for two minutes. The latter eventually decides they need to flee the Red Keep while they have the chance, but Mysaria catches them in the act, so Alicent is forced to confess to the whole pregnancy thing. Alicent is smart enough to try and turn Mysaria against Rhaenyra by pointing out that she’ll inevitably turn on her down the line, and while it doesn’t strictly fall on deaf ears, it doesn’t do anything to help her in the short term.

More promising is a hidden door leading to a tunnel that Helaena discovers in their room. However, in a classic “out of the frying pan, into the fire” scenario, it leads to a dead end, and the door closes behind them. Oops.

The Gold Cloak Killer

Elsewhere, Rhaenyra’s small council is still in complete and utter disarray. Torrhen Manderly is barely listening, Vhagar is out burning villages, though seemingly without her rider, Cole is bothering the rivermen, Prince Joffrey has returned from the Vale, and Daemon is preoccupied looking into the deaths of some Gold Cloaks who have been disemboweled in Flea Bottom. The crown remains broke, and Ormund Hightower still occupies Tumblon. It’s a mess.

The dead Gold Cloaks turn out to present the strongest lead, so it’s just as well Daemon was so adamant about getting to the bottom of that. He quickly discovers that Ormund ordered the murders and paid for them in coins printed with Daeron’s face, having officially announced him as king. Finally, Daemon and Rhaenyra know what he’s really up to, and it’s much worse than they could have imagined.

The barbarians are already in the gates, killing the City Watch and arranging them in a grim tableau as traitors. Even Daemon is thrown for a loop by the savagery, especially since it’s being unleashed on his own fantasy football team of pet sadists. There’ll be Hell to pay.

And Another Thing…

Here are some of the other things going on in House of the Dragon Season 3, Episode 5 that wouldn’t fit into the recap proper:

• Ormund is still instructing Daeron in the ways of kingship by telling him stories about Meria Martell, the Yellow Toad of Dorne, the “only woman” — in all of history! — with a decent military mind. He also throws a paddy when he loses to Daeron at Cyvasse, which, if memory serves, is the name of the chess-like board game they’re playing.
• Aegon is still dragging Larys around, salty about his presumed-dead dragon and determined to kill his brother, and Larys has had just about enough of it. His verbal evisceration of Aegon is one for the ages.
• Addam and Baela are out looking for Vhagar, though I get the sense that both would rather they didn’t find her.