Catholic jokes abound in “The Father, the Son and the Post-it Note”, as the Legion of Dooooom lose all their money and Hopson spends the day as Bullet’s pet dog.
This recap of Paradise PD Season 2, Episode 5, “The Father, the Son and the Post-it Note”, contains spoilers. You can check out our thoughts on the previous episode by clicking these words.
After a slightly off-topic episode, we return to the matter at hand in Paradise PD Season 2, Episode 5 — crime is at an all-time high thanks to Houndstooth meth, and Randall blames Agent Clappers for taking the case. He confronts him — with an inflatable podium and an inflatable guitar he uses for a rock exit — while he’s giving a speech about the pending retirement of his long-time partner Agent Dunfore. The eight hours between now and when Dunfore gets to live happily ever after are tracked by various characters insisting he’s doomed as he continues to survive increasingly elaborate brushes with death — it isn’t the most sophisticated running gag, but it gets funnier the longer it goes on.
So, the town is topsy-turvy. Everyone is high on meth and can’t pay their bills, so the contents of storage lockers are getting sold on. This is a problem for the Legion of Dooooom, since Thester has put $100,000,000 of their money in one of the units after discovering there’s no such thing as the “Caveman Islands”. Cue a caveman version of Ron Perlman, watching the show, who gets some serious stick throughout “The Father, the Son and the Post-it Note”.
As a weird consequence of that storage locker thing, Bullet ends up legally owning Hopson, who spends the entire episode living like a dog. Randall, meanwhile, is becoming increasingly unhinged and plans to torture everyone in town until they admit they’re the Kingpin — Kevin’s next. However, when Kevin insists that his father isn’t a good cop, Randall resolves to prove that he is, which compels him to break into the FBI Field Office — with Dusty, who’s wearing a cat burglar costume — and find an address labeled “Kingpin”. Agent Dunfore survives Dusty landing on him after diving out of the building.
Fitz and Thester attempt to recover their evil funding, which is now in the possession of an old lady whom they try to trick using a Nigerian prince scam — Thester plays the Nigerian. She’d be willing to part with the money, but she already donated it all to the Catholic Church. The Irish-Catholic priest, who has all the dough piled up in plain view on the altar, refuses to part with it; he and the nuns viciously assault Fitz and Thester when they try to make him.
Perhaps the best joke of Paradise PD Season 2, Episode 5 belongs to Clappers, who wants Kevin to wear a wire in order to prove Randall’s corruption, which prompts him to make multiple references to David Simon’s The Wire and the amazing physique of Lieutenant Daniels, the character Lance Reddick (who voices Clappers) played in that show. It was fun for me, anyway.
But the bulk of “The Father, the Son and the Post-it Note” is devoted to jokes at the expense of the Catholic Church, including an obvious altar-boy scheme, planning for which is interrupted by Randall, who has discovered the Legion of Dooooom and Fitz’s not-so-secret identity as the Kingpin. He’s able to escape, but before he’s able to share the news with Kevin, who’s wearing the wire, he admits to breaking into the FBI Field Office so the Feds promptly bust in and arrest him.
While Bullet enters Hopson in a dog show, Pat Robertson, who you have to imagine was included as a character specifically for this reason, brings Jesus himself into the Legion in order to convince the priest to return the money. But that doesn’t work either. “I’m Jesus,” says a shocked Jesus. “And Mickey Mouse is Mickey Mouse, but he doesn’t call the shots as Disney.” Another fight breaks out, but luckily the “highly molestable” Jerry Flipperfist is able to eat all the money.
With only 13 minutes left on the retirement clock, Agent Dunfore decides to follow one more lead — which takes him directly to the Kingpin. After spending the entire episode avoiding meteors and bullets, he’s finally offed by his own partner, Clappers, who it turns out is working for Fitz. Twist!