Somewhere in an air-conditioned office in Hollywood, a bunch of sweaty executives trawled through a big pile of scripts and raised this one in the air: The Hitman’s Bodyguard. The next task was to ensure that this explosion-filled blockbuster was going to make huge profits. How about Samuel L. Jackson and Ryan Reynolds? A comedy action genre? Bingo. Insignificant history was born.
Okay, I am being intentionally sarcastic. The point is, there is no point in me sitting here writing an in-depth review about a movie that was not made to be critically well received. There were two reasons why this film was made; for money to be made, and mass audiences to indulgently eat popcorn and enjoy it. Money first, of course. Did it succeed in that? Well, I cannot discuss the money as it has just come out as I write this, but there is no denying that The Hitman’s Bodyguard is fun.
Okay, interesting. What’s it about?
Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) is a triple A rated bodyguard. That’s until one of his jobs goes terribly wrong. Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson) is a famous imprisoned hitman that has been selected by Interpol to testify against violent dictator Vladislav Dukhovich (Gary Oldman). Despite their bitter past, Michael is forced with the task of protecting Darius as they go en route to the international court whilst the dictator has groups of corrupt men trying to stop them. That’s all you really need to know about The Hitman’s Bodyguard. The plot is irrelevant anyway.
Continue reading Review – The Hitman’s Bodyguard
Naked is a remake of the 2000 Swedish film Naken. It is a Netflix Original romantic comedy about a guy who is pretty much naked for most of the movie. It also stars Regina Hall. The Girls Trip star seems to be appearing on Netflix alot recently. Or so my partner tells me.
What’s it about?
Confident, eccentric guy Rob Anderson is about to marry Megan, the girl of his dreams. Leading up to the big day everything seems okay, that is until the fateful night before the wedding when he decides to go out for ‘a drink’ with his best friend. He wakes up an hour before the wedding, naked in a broken elevator. With no clue of how to solve this predicament, Rob is forced to relive this agonising hour over and over again until he gets it right for his wedding day. Each time he gets it wrong, he wakes up again on the elevator floor. It is a time loop movie and it does this loop numerous times.
Is it good?
I honestly, hand on heart, believed Netflix was past regurgitating this generic rubbish but apparently not. I understand that this is based on a written story but surely this is not the product? Will Marlon Wayans ever be apart of something better than White Chicks? From a critical point of view, it is easy to discuss this in the three acts.
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About a year ago, a friend of mine pointed me towards a YouTube video in which a woman who calls herself Angel demonstrated how to use a grapefruit to enhance a blowjob. Angel’s technique – which my girlfriend wholeheartedly believed was a prank I’d somehow engineered for my own benefit – is perhaps the most terrifying thing I’ve ever witnessed, and I am a man who has seen a video of a hostage being beheaded by a terrorist, and a woman in Ibiza fire a rugby ball from her vagina with such velocity that it hit a patron twenty feet away.
Girls Trip is essentially a feature-length version of Angel’s grapefruit video. It even includes a scene which specifically imitates it, and I think it’s telling that this is somehow less ridiculous than the original footage.
I should clarify that none of this is a criticism.
Continue reading Review – Girls Trip
Surprising absolutely nobody, The Emoji Movie is an insulting travesty without a shred of wit, intelligence or worth; a shameless, unfunny slab of advertising that exists entirely to slobber all over the shiny corporate cock whose limp spurts of digitised ejaculate droop from the movie’s saccharine façade like the tears of all those parents who were dumb enough to buy tickets for their children to see it.
Having said that, it did surprise someone: Dan Hart, my very own colleague here, who insisted live on air that The Emoji Movie would secure a Tomatometer score of over 50%, and even bet ten pounds of Her Majesty’s finest sterling on the matter. I can’t get back the 90 minutes I spent watching this appalling aberration, but at least I’m up ten quid.
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This is a Netflix Original. A comedy Netflix Original. One that involves romance. I am not trying to sound dubious, but I do tend to have a love-hate relationship with the Originals. Before I watched The Incredible Jessica James I took a deep breath because I was either going to be bored to death by an over-stretched storyline or satisfied by a good comedy. That tends to be the trend when I write about anything distributed by Netflix.
What’s it about?
It is about an aspiring New York playwright called Jessica, who has been delivered a huge blow when her boyfriend breaks up with her. Whilst still determined to make something of her career she starts dating Boone, a recently divorced man. The premise sounds all too familiar, doesn’t it? Like a carbon copy of previously made movies. The difference is the character Jessica, and the fact that I do not feel this is entirely a romantic comedy.
What do you mean?
The film opens up with a gag, she meets a random guy she met on Tinder, who she has no intention of progressing anything romantically with or “sleeping with” as she states. She was out to make a point that this man had expectations that were way too high, and she was using him to make her ex jealous, who then shows up at the place with his date. The obvious awkwardness provides 5 minutes of good comedy. Then the movie shows Jessica making her way home, singing, dancing and being intentionally fun and foolish. The film lets you know that this is Jessica: she is vibrant, she is cool, she is funny, but most of all she is different. It sets you straight for the rest of the film because you know exactly where you stand with this character. This is backed up by a convincing leading performance from Jessica Williams who manages to captivate you with her character’s personality.
Continue reading Review – The Incredible Jessica James
This is another drama film that was on the festival circuit that Netflix plucked out and released worldwide. You will have probably seen it living in your thumbnails recently if you obsessively keep an eye out on Netflix movies like I do. It is a movie about a character with anorexia. Oh, and it stars Keanu Reeves in a role that you just would not expect. Funny how Netflix keeps telling these jokes.
What’s it’s about?
It is about an anorexic girl called Ellen with an extremely dysfunctional family. The story begins as she drops out of college and fails to make any progress within her inpatient program. Her step mother forces her to see specialist, Dr. William Beckham, who insists that Ellen joins his inpatient programme that has its own methods for treating disorders. I find that eating disorders within TV and film are extremely difficult to get right, but To The Bone acts responsibly to an extent with a simple, straightforward storyline. I am not surprised it has dealt with the subject matter appropriately because writer and director Marti Noxon based it on her own struggles with the disease.
Continue reading Review – To The Bone
The eighth season of Adam Reed’s anarchic, sneakily genius spy-spoof animated series – and a bit of a gamble, this time around. Sure, the FXX cartoon has upended its central premise several times, and mostly just for fun. The fifth season was a Miami Vice pastiche in which the cast became hapless drug traffickers; the seventh moved the show (which had always been New York-based) to Los Angeles. But Archer: Dreamland is the most thorough reimagining the series has been treated to. Set in the late 40s, it’s an outright noir, which sees the familiar characters we know and love recast as genre archetypes with roughly the same sense of humour.
Didn’t the last season end on a cliffhanger?
It did, and this one opens with half a resolution to it – Sterling Archer (H. Jon Benjamin), the devilishly-handsome alcoholic spy, is alive after being shot several times at the end of season 7 and left face-down in a swimming pool. But he’s currently comatose, which allows Reed a whole season’s time to think about how he’s going to write his way out of this particular corner. Dreamland disappears straight into Archer’s unconscious brain, and doesn’t leave for the remainder of the season.
Continue reading Review – Archer: Dreamland